Spaceman Spiff Meets Luke Skywalker
by Style Marshlovski
Summary: Craig Tucker and Kevin Stoley are very different, but this summer they'll find they have at least one thing in common - Side story companion to "Summer Still Sucks"
1. Chapter 1

**Hi, guys! I got the idea to do a side story to "Summer Still Sucks" that focuses on some of the other kids over summer break. Even though the two fics take place during the same time period, the plots are completely separate, so you won't be lost if you don't read the other story.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own ****_South Park_****, ****_Calvin and Hobbes_**** or ****_Star Wars_****.**

* * *

There really wasn't a lot that Craig Tucker was passionate about. His points of interest were mainly limited to his guinea pig Stripe and his favorite TV show _Red Racer_. Most of the time, he kept things nice and boring. When the other boys would start playing Secret Agents or Firemen, he's usually flip them off and go do a load of laundry instead.

But every once in a while when he was alone, for a small amount of time, Craig would let his imagination run wild and live out his fantasy: being an astronaut. He'd put on his costume spacesuit and bounce along pretending to walk on the moon in its low gravity. Then he'd pick up stones he found on the ground and examine them as if they were moon rocks.

He was always secretly jealous of those four assholes in his class who'd actually been in space multiple times. That was why he was excited about summer vacation starting. He and his family were leaving Colorado so he could spend a week at Space Camp. Now he'd finally get a chance to share his love of the cosmos with other like-minded kids and experience what it really felt like to be in a space shuttle.

Of course, his two best friends couldn't understand his reasons for going.

"We just got out of school," Token said as Craig packed his suitcase. "Why do you want to go somewhere to do _more _studying?"

"Because I'm actually interested in learning about astronomy."

Clyde scoffed. "What's so great about a bunch of stars?"

Craig flipped him off and continued packing.

"I could just buy you an astronomy book instead," Token suggested.

"You're not changing my mind," Craig answered firmly. "I'm going to Space Camp and that's that."

Clyde burst into tears and ran out of the room wailing.

"Now look what you did," Token frowned.

Craig sighed and got up to talk to Clyde. He found him on the front porch. "What's going on, Clyde?" he asked in his monotone voice.

"I d-don't w-want you to l-leave…" he stammered, his body wracked with sobs.

"I'll only be gone for a week."

"W-why can't you j-just stay here? We'll have p-plenty of fun."

"This is what I wanna do. Living like a real astronaut is a dream come true for me. You wouldn't want _me _to keep _you _from going to some meathead jock sports camp, would you?"

"N-no…"

"Well, astronomy is _my _sports. Please don't take that away from me."

"B-but I'll m-miss you. We're b-best bros."

Craig put his arm around Clyde. "I'll miss you too. How about I bring you back a present?" he patted his head.

"OK," he sniffed.

Craig stood up. "Do you feel like helping a best bro pack?"

Clyde nodded and followed him back to his room.

* * *

Kevin Stoley was finishing his packing on Saturday morning. Summer vacation had begun, and he was about to leave for the best week of his young life at Space Camp. Finally, he'd know the thrill that Luke Skywalker felt when he took his first leap into hyperspace in the Millennium Falcon.

"Kevin," Esther, his twin sister, knocked on his door. "Mom said to hurry up. Dad wants to get to the airport early."

"I'm just about done," he answered. He looked over at a photo of him doing a _Star Wars _live-action role play with his best friend. "I sure wish you were coming with me, Bradley. But you're out there living the real thing now. I can't wait to hear all about your amazing adventures after you get back…whenever that is." Kevin decided to take the picture along so Bradley could be there with him in spirit.

…

"All passengers seated in rows 6 through 10 may now begin boarding."

The Stoleys continued to wait as more people went ahead of them. Kevin glanced up just as the last of them went through the gate. He could have sworn he'd seen that chullo hat somewhere before. He didn't have long to think about it though, as his row was called up soon after.

…

Kevin was the first to arrive at Space Camp the next afternoon. He make sure to find a good spot up front. "It doesn't get much better than this," he spoke to his picture of Bradley as more kids shuffled in. Right away, Kevin spotted that same blue chullo from the airport. "Or maybe it does…" he said as he saw a familiar stoic expression underneath it.

* * *

**Sorry the beginning is so short. I'm in the middle of a weeklong visit with relatives in Florida and have very limited Internet access, so I wanted to make sure I finished this chapter in time to publish it.**

**I should make it clear now that this is NOT a Craig x Kevin romance…although I'm not ruling out romance for either of them with anyone else ;)**

**Also, I've never been to Space Camp, so please don't flame me if my description is a little off :-/ R&R!**


	2. Chapter 2

_Happy June, everybody!_

_OK, I've since discovered that the weeklong Space Camp program starts on a Sunday, not a Monday, so sorry about that incorrect bit from the end of last chapter (I went back and changed it)._

* * *

As soon as Craig arrived for check-in on Sunday afternoon, he saw past the crowd of kids ahead of him a certain dark-haired boy who appeared to be waving him over. "Fuck me," he sighed as he walked toward him.

"Hey, Craig!" the follow noirette excitedly greeted him.

"Hi, Kevin," he rolled his eyes.

"This is great! I didn't think I'd know anybody here."

"Yeah, that was _my _hope."

"I got here nice and early so I'd be the first in line to register. You can go right after me if you want."

"Wow. How lucky am I?" he dully asked.

"I had no idea you were interested in astronautics."

"Because I didn't want people knowing. I have my reputation as a badass to maintain, so you better not tell anyone you saw me here or I'll have to beat the crap outta you," he balled up his fist.

"Well, I won't tell anyone, Craig. It's really nothing to be embarrassed about, though. I think it's pretty awesome that we like the same thing."

"Number one, it's not awesome. Number two, we don't like the same thing. I like space for what it really is: exploring the mysteries of the deep, analyzing rock specimens, collecting data for future colonization of heavenly bodies. You like space for some fantasy world where a seven-foot sasquatch flies around in a spaceship faster than the speed of light. If that's what you expect to learn about at Space Camp, you might as well head home."

Kevin lowered his head sullenly and turned back to the check-in station.

…

That evening, the program began with an experiment to make miniature rocket launchers. "I'd like everyone to pair up for this," said the instructor.

Craig raised his hand.

"Yes…Mr. Tucker, is it?"

"Can I work by myself?"

"There seems to be an even number of students here. You shouldn't have any trouble finding a partner."

"I don't want a partner."

"It's important to learn how to work as part of a team to prepare for missions. Go on now."

Craig flipped the instructor off when he wasn't looking. As he gazed around the lab, he couldn't find anybody suitable to work with. Then he spotted Kevin just sort of standing there, not really sure what to do. "Wanna be partners?" Craig asked with absolutely no inflection.

"You want to work with _me_?" he asked surprised.

"Well, since I can't work alone, I guess it's better to work with someone I actually know."

"Yeah, that makes sense," he agreed. "I get a little nervous around new people anyway. I'm always afraid I'll do something embarrassing, and then they'd think I'm strange."

"Why don't you act like you don't care what they think? That takes away their power to make you feel bad."

Kevin looked fascinated. "Is that what _you _do?"

"I don't have to act; I really don't care."

"But then why are you worried about your reputation?"

"Can we get on with the experiment already?" Craig practically begged the instructor.

"Just as soon as I've passed out a worksheet to each pair," he answered. "This will give you the list of ingredients you'll need to make your rocket fuel. Once you've all gathered the correct amounts, we'll move the experiment outside to mix them together and set off your rockets."

Once all the sheets were passed out, it was time to start working.

"One of us should dictate the instructions, and the other should pour the measurements," Kevin suggested. "Which would you prefer?"

"Telling people what to do's always come naturally to me. Plus, your kind's always better with fractions."

Kevin was appalled. "Being Asian doesn't automatically make you good at math."

"Asian?"

"Yeah, my 'kind.'"

"No, I meant nerds."

"Oh," he giggled. "Yeah, I suppose that describes me too."

Craig thought for a moment. "Why is your last name Stoley? It doesn't really sound Asian."

"I think our family name was anglicized when my parents came over from China."

"Hmm…maybe _ours _was anglicized from something else."

"I kind of doubt that," Kevin chuckled.

"No, think about it: Last names ending in _-er _usually came from the job a family member had, like Baker or Sawyer. What the hell is a tucker? Someone who tucks? There _has _to be a better origin behind it."

Kevin had to stifle his laughter with his hand.

"What's so funny?"

"You are."

"No, I'm not."

"It's a good thing, Craig."

"No, it isn't. I don't do funny. I like things nice and boring."

"Except for Space Camp," he pointed out.

"Except for Space Camp," Craig conceded.

The two of them decided to get going on the project before the other teams got too far ahead. Craig read off the necessary ingredients and their amounts, while Kevin collected them and measured said levels.

Once all the pairs were finished, they carried their measurements outside on trays to be mixed. Following the written instructions, the amalgamations were added into the mini rockets in the proper ingredient order.

On the instructor's count, each team lit their rocket fuse and watched as it blasted off into the air. While everyone's rocket launch was a success, the Tucker-Stoley missile achieved the highest altitude and the largest explosion.

"See?" said Craig. "You _are _better at math."

"Hey, _somebody _had to give me the correct measurements, O great dictator."

"I'm merely a figurehead," he dismissed it. "Everybody knows it's the loyal subjects who do all the hard work."

"We made a pretty good team today, didn't we?"

"I have to admit I've had worse experiences working with people."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Kevin smiled. "So I'll see you tomorrow then?"

Craig shrugged. "Whatever," he headed back toward the front entrance of the building.

* * *

_A/N: I have no idea what kinds of experiments are done at Space Camp, but making a small rocket seemed like a good one to use in the program._


	3. Chapter 3

_Ah, summer's officially here. Too bad we don't have a pool at our house anymore :'(_

* * *

On Monday evening, Craig arrived for the second day of Space Camp and saw Kevin standing behind the huge crowd. "You're not up front today," he greeted him.

"Hi, Craig. I was early again, but everyone was already here."

"Must be something big tonight."

"Hello, boys and girls," said the instructor. "In 1977, the Voyager spacecrafts were launched with the intent to explore our solar system's outer planets. Can someone tell me what was ironic about their launches?"

Nobody seemed to know the answer, except for Kevin. His hand shot up immediately, but he was obstructed by the older kids in front of him.

"Anybody?"

He tried standing on his tiptoes, but his hand wouldn't reach over their heads.

Craig saw how desperate his classmate was waving his hand back and forth, so without saying a word, he crawled between Kevin's legs and lifted him up onto his shoulders.

"Whoa!" Kevin shouted surprised.

"Yes, you in the back."

"Oh! Voyager 2 was actually launched before Voyager 1."

"Very good."

"Voyager 1 moved faster though, and now it's almost reached interstellar space."

"Nicely done, young man."

"Thanks, Craig," he whispered.

"Yeah, well…we'd never get to the good stuff if no one answered," he let him back down.

"That trivia question has a lot to do with our first activity tonight," the instructor continued. "If you could all follow me to the screening room, we'll be going on a voyage of our own…"

"Oh boy!" Kevin shook with anticipation. "We're seeing a movie related to the Voyager question. They were launched in 1977—that's the same year _Star Wars _came out! We're watching _Star Wars_! I knew we would!"

"Great, kid. Don't get cocky," Craig warned him.

Kevin gasped and his eyes widened.

"What?"

"You just quoted Han Solo!" he pointed at him. "You _do _like _Star Wars_!" he grinned.

"Ugh…me and my big mouth."

"Come on, let's get good seats in the front!" Kevin pulled Craig by the arm. But by the time they got in the screening room, all the front row seats were taken. "Aw…" Kevin deflated. They found a couple of empty seats in the second row, but the kids in front of them were from the older, taller group. "Oh man… Now we won't be able to see _anything_," Kevin sunk into his chair.

All of a sudden, Craig started going into a coughing fit.

"Are you OK, Craig?"

His face was turning red, and he began pounding his fists on the back of the seats in front of him and Kevin. Eventually, the seats' occupants got tired of being hit on the back and moved to a different row. Still coughing, Craig got up and made his way down front. "Looks like a couple seats opened up," he called back miraculously cured.

Kevin slowly walked to the available seat with a guilty look on his face. "Sorry," he turned back remorsefully.

"Don't apologize," Craig said. "They shouldn't have sat up front in the first place."

"All right," the instructor said. "Now that we're all settled—"

"Here it comes…" Kevin whispered.

"—I'm going to pass out glasses to everyone so we can all enjoy _Space Station 3D_."

"AAH!" Kevin shouted for joy.

"Gee, you're taking your _Star Wars_-less disappointment well," Craig commented.

"Are you kidding? I've been wanting to see this documentary forever! It's a firsthand look at the International Space Station filmed by the astronauts themselves. Forty-seven minutes of IMAX magic," he popped his glasses on.

The movie didn't disappoint. They got to see everything up close and personal.

"That was so awesome," Kevin said as they left the screening room.

"It was a little weird with Tom Cruise as the narrator," Craig commented. "It isn't every day you hear a guy who got your hometown destroyed doing a voiceover in a movie. Ignoring that though, it was pretty impressive."

"My favorite part had to be looking out into the depths of the cosmos. What was yours?"

"Definitely the space walk. That's what I'd look forward to the most on a mission. If I could walk around in low gravity with my feet barely touching the ground, I'd be sooo happy."

"Did everybody enjoy the movie?" asked the instructor.

"Yes," they all answered, minus Craig, who was never one to follow the crowd.

"Great, because the night isn't over yet. If you thought the IMAX 3D was interactive, that's nothing compared to the experience you'll be having on our Mars mission."

"AAH!" Craig took his turn to shout for joy.

"Since this is a three-person mission, I'll be taking two people at a time with me on the flight simulator so you'll all get a chance to walk on the red planet. Now, can I have a couple of vol—?"

"We'll go first!" Craig grasped Kevin's hand and raised them high in the air.

"Ow! Not so hard, Craig."

"All right then," the instructor checked their names off on his list. "I'd say South Park, Colorado wins the award for most enthusiastic campers today. Why don't you boys follow me to the simulation room? The rest of you can watch from the window while you're waiting."

Craig and Kevin suited up and boarded the simulated shuttle. They were thrown back in their seats as the acceleration hit them full force. Luckily, neither of them had eaten recently, so they managed not to puke. When the flight had come to a stop, the door opened to reveal that the scenery had changed to look like the face of Mars.

"Go ahead and explore the surface, guys," the instructor's voice came through their headsets.

"You first, Craig. This is what you've been waiting for."

Craig gladly took Kevin's offer and jumped down. The simulated gravity had been turned on, so it was less than half of what he was used to. _Fuck yeah, _he thought. "Come on out, Stoley."

"Right behind you," he stepped out.

"I feel so light," Craig mused.

"You should: Mars' gravity is only about thirty-eight percent that of Earth's."

"There you go with that math again," he smirked.

Kevin sighed. "I wonder if Bradley's home planet is anything like this."

"That Biggle kid?"

"Yeah. I sure miss him. He was my best friend."

Craig thought for a moment. "Weren't you best friends with my cousin Red?"

"Red…? You mean Bertha?"

Craig stifled a laugh at her hilarious real name. "Yeah, her."

"We used to be really close. Then she started becoming popular, but I was still a nerd. We were in two different social classes at that point, so she went off with the girls' clique, while I connected with Bradley."

"So she left you high and dry?"

"No, it wasn't like that. It was the logical thing to do—a mutual decision, really."

"Uh huh…" he looked at him skeptically.

"Why don't we see if they put any props in the display?"

"OK." Craig decided to drop the subject for the time being. After all, there were rock specimens to collect.

* * *

_Disclaimer: I don't own __**Space Station 3D**__, nor have I ever seen it. It sounds cool though._


	4. Chapter 4

_There's only one other activity I have knowledge of at Space Camp, but Craig and Kevin still have three more days to go. So this chapter will focus more on events outside of the camp._

* * *

On Tuesday, Kevin had his parents drop him off at Space Camp while it was still bright outside. He learned his lesson from the day before to anticipate other campers being really early, so he needed to be even earlier than that or get stuck in the back again. And he didn't think Craig would hoist him on his shoulders a second time.

Many of the other kids started showing up soon after, still quite early as expected. Out of nowhere, a taller kid Kevin guessed was probably about fourteen cut in front of him. "Um…excuse me?" Kevin asked timidly.

"What?" the kid faced him.

"Well, I was…kind of…in front."

"The key word being _was_."

"But…that's not fair."

"Too bad, shrimp," he turned back around.

Kevin could feel tears of frustration trying to come out. Just as he was about to lose his struggle to hold them back, he saw somebody rush up behind the older kid and say in a nasally voice, "Hey, asshole…"

The kid quickly spun around again. "You talkin' to me?"

"He's first in line," Craig pointed to Kevin, "so step back."

The tall kid bent down and got right in Craig's face. "Why don't you try and make me, chullo boy?"

Before Kevin knew what happened, Craig kicked the inside of the kid's right foot with his own and swept it across, making said kid lose his balance and fall on his side. Craig knelt down on the ground and got in his face. "_Who's_ first in line?"

"He is," the kid groaned.

"That's what I thought," he got up again.

"Wow," Kevin gawked. "That was amazing, Craig."

"That was a kekaeshi," he answered.

"A _what_?"

"Kekaeshi—a sumo technique used to knock an opponent off his feet."

"Incredible… but aren't you afraid you'll get in trouble for a physical altercation?"

"I really doubt this freshman-to-be would admit to getting his ass kicked by a ten-year-old."

Kevin sighed dejectedly.

"What's wrong? You got your place back in line."

"I wish I knew how to defend myself like you do. I feel like such a wimp always needing somebody to come to my rescue."

Craig could almost feel Kevin's low sense of self-worth at that moment. Was it possible that he actually felt empathy for someone? He quickly shook the thought away. "Tell you what: if you want, as long as you don't make a big deal out of it, you can come to the hotel where we're staying tomorrow and I'll teach you a few sumo moves."

"Really?" Kevin shouted. "That would be so awesome!"

"As long as you _don't _make a big deal out of it," Craig emphasized.

"Sorry. I accept your offer. Thank you."

"Don't mention it…to _anyone_."

…

The next afternoon, the Stoleys followed the GPS in their rental car to the Tuckers' hotel.

Craig met them in the lobby. "You ready?" he asked Kevin. "Come on, I'll show you to our suite."

"Do we _have _to stick around?" Esther quietly asked her mom.

"We'd need to come back anyway to bring Kevin to Space Camp," Mrs. Stoley answered. "There's no reason to waste another trip."

"Kevin can come with me when I go," Craig said. "Then you could just pick him up when it's over."

"Are you all right staying here on your own, Kevin?" asked Mr. Stoley.

"Yeah, definitely."

"OK, then we'll see you later tonight."

Craig led Kevin up to where his family was staying. "Home suite home," he unlocked the door.

"So your parents won't mind us practicing sumo moves in the living room?"

"They took my sister to the park or something so we could have our space."

"_You _have a sister, too? I never knew that."

"No reason you would," he shrugged. "Ruby's too young for school." He started untying his shoelaces. "It's better to do this barefoot."

Kevin followed suit and removed his shoes.

"Now we can begin. In sumo, you must have disciprine."

"Don't you mean _discipline_?"

"See, right there. I'm trying to instruct you in the art of sumo, and you're hung up on words. How can I teach if you racka disciprine?"

"Forgive me, master," Kevin bowed his head. "Please continue."

"Well, since _you're _primary objective is to learn how to defend yourself, I'll focus more on defensive techniques rather than offensive. Let's say that someone's about to punch you in the face; while they're fist is coming at you, lock your arm around theirs, then throw them down. This is called a kotenage."

"Ko-te-na-ge," Kevin sounded out. "I should write that down. Can you spell it for me?"

"The term isn't nearly as important as its execution. Pretend I'm gonna punch you;" Craig walked forward and extended his fist toward Kevin's face; "wrap your arm around mine;" Kevin did as he was told; "now, throw me on the floor."

"I can't do that, Craig."

"You won't hurt me, I promise."

"No, I mean I really _can't_. I'm not strong enough."

"If you don't do it, you'll get punched in the face."

"I know, in the real world, your opponent won't stand around and wait for you to be ready."

"No, I'll seriously punch you in the face if you don't do it."

"Come on, Craig. Quit kidding around."

"I told you I don't do funny.

"You just made a play on words with 'home suite home.'"

"I don't really think it was that funny. You better be ready for me."

"Stop it, you're scaring me."

"I'm pulling my fist back…"

"You're not playing fair!"

"One more chance…"

"No! I can't!"

"Time's up!" As Craig went in for the punch, Kevin did the only thing he could think of—kicking the inside of Craig's foot and sweeping it across, successfully knocking him to the floor.

"Oh no! Craig, are you OK?"

"I expected a kotenage, and you gave me a kekaeshi."

"I'm sorry! I panicked!"

"Hey, it's important to know your strengths and weaknesses in a fight. You weren't ready to throw me down, so you knocked me off balance instead. Either way, you got me on the ground. That element of surprise worked in your favor. Nice job."

"Gee…thanks," he gave a small smile and lent Craig a hand up off the floor. "Hey, how did you get into sumo, anyway?"

"It was back in third grade when those three dickwads manipulated me and Tweek into fighting each other. We didn't even know how to fight, so Stan and Kyle took Tweek for boxing lessons, while Cartman brought me to the Nishimura School of Martial Arts to learn sumo wrestling. Everyone always pegged me for a troublemaker, and now I finally had some fighting skills to back it up."

"But you and Tweek are friends now, right? I mean, I see you guys together pretty often."

"Yeah, we had a lot of time to spend in the same room at Hell's Pass while we were recovering. We eventually got to talking and realized we didn't really have anything against each other. And I have to admit, I was pretty impressed. Tweek Tweak, the kid who jumps at the sight of his own shadow, had the guts to fight me, despite my badass reputation. I gotta respect him for that."

"Hmm…" Kevin pondered something.

"What are you thinking about?"

"It seems a little strange you'd end up being friends with him."

"Why?"

"Well, you say you like things nice and boring, but if there's one thing Tweek isn't, it's boring."

"That's different."

"How?"

"He gained my respect, thereby earning the privilege of my friendship."

"I see," he looked at Craig with a sliver of doubt.

"We still have some time to kill before my folks get back. We should practice more—you still need some work on your technique."

"You're the master," Kevin shrugged.


	5. Chapter 5

_OK, so this last Space Camp activity will probably seem pretty out-there (pun intended). Please just keep in mind that I know next to nothing about what the program really does _:B

* * *

Kevin got to Space Camp a little later than usual Thursday night. As much as he enjoyed being up in front where it was easy to see everything, he realized that he enjoyed having someone around he could share his excitement with a little bit more. He decided to surprise Craig by lagging behind a bit to catch him in back. Instead, he found himself surprised to see the fellow noirette missing. "He isn't here yet? It's almost time to go in."

"Stoley!" he heard from the front of the line. "Up here," Craig waved him over.

Everybody stepped aside to let the sumo kid's pal through.

"Uh…thank you," Kevin said as he walked to the front. "You're early," he greeted Craig.

"And you're not," he raised his eyebrow.

"I figured I'd come when you did."

"Same here."

"Hey, since you brought me here last night, my parents said we could take you back today."

"You don't have to do that," said Craig. "I wasn't expecting it or anything."

"I know, but I wanted to. I just…think you're fun to talk to," Kevin admitted.

Craig was taken aback. "I don't think anyone's ever said that to me before… Well, whatever floats your boat, I guess. I'll call my folks and tell them not to pick me up."

Soon, the instructor opened the doors to let everyone in. "Tonight, our final program activity is similar to Tuesday's presentation of _Space Station 3D_, only instead of simply observing deep space, you'll be piloting a simulated ship on our space mission. With re-creations from actual satellite projections, you'll have the true experience of flying through outer space."

_Just like Luke Skywalker, _Kevin fantasized.

_Just like those four undeserving pricks, _Craig thought.

"As in our Mars mission, you'll go on in pairs, but this time, I won't be joining you. One of you will act as navigator by interpreting the data you see on the radar screen, then give directions to your partner who'll act as pilot by manning the controls to fly the craft. Are there any space cadets brave enough to go first?"

All the other kids took a step back, leaving Craig and Kevin way out in front.

"It looks like you boys will lead the pack again."

As the two of them followed their instructor, Kevin tapped Craig on the shoulder. "I'm a little nervous," he whispered. "This mission sounds pretty difficult."

"We'll do fine," Craig assured him. "We just need to use our strong suits to our advantage. You're really good at understanding math and graphs, so you should be the navigator. I, on the other hand, watch _Red Racer _every day of the week, so I should be the pilot."

"Well, when you put it _that _way…"

"All right, guys, step on into your new ride."

They were awestruck by the mechanisms aboard the ship. Both pilot and navigator each had his own small station to work from, and there were giant projection screens on every side to view their simulated three-dimensional outside surroundings.

"Strap yourselves in," the instructor's voice came over the ship's communication system. "T minus ten seconds…nine…eight…seven…six…five…four…three…two…o ne…liftoff!"

Kevin and Craig felt the ship accelerate as the night sky raced toward them. They slowed to a cruising speed once they had escaped the planet's atmosphere.

"I see a large body on the radar," said Kevin.

"God dammit, they put Cartman in the simulation?"

"No, Craig, I mean we're approaching the moon."

"Oh, nice…" he perked up. "I wonder if we can see the far side."

"Let's give it a shot—bear to the right;" Craig steered the controls to turn the ship slightly; "now straighten it out;" Craig kept the ship pointed forward for a while as the moon came into view on the projection screen in front of them; "now we'll see just how three-dimensional this really is: try steering us into orbit." Craig did just that, and the simulation didn't disappoint. They were able to fly around the moon and gaze at the side that can't be seen on Earth.

They continued on their journey of the solar system, flying through the asteroid belt, observing Saturn's rings, and finally following the tail of a comet back home.

After they returned to the real world and all the others had had their chance at the helm, it was time to head out for good. The Stoleys arrived and drove Craig back to his hotel.

"So I'll see you in the morning for graduation, right?" Kevin asked.

"Wouldn't miss it," Craig bid him goodnight.

…

Nine a.m. the next day, all of the Space Campers' parents gathered to watch their children graduate from the program. Kevin enthusiastically cheered Craig on as he received his diploma, while Craig gave Kevin a subtle thumbs-up with the slightest hint of a smile.

"Congratulations, Craig," Kevin told him after the ceremony.

"You too."

Suddenly, an awkward silence pervaded their conversation. It was as if they both realized that the one thing keeping them together had all at once come to an end.

Kevin cleared his throat. "Well…I guess I'll see you back in South Park."

"Yeah…" Craig shifted his eyes away. "See you around."

They both walked toward their respective families to enjoy their last day away.

* * *

_I'm really sorry this chapter turned out being so short and rushed. I'm leaving this morning to visit my grandma through to next Wednesday. Once again, I'll have no Internet access while I'm gone _:-( _so I wanted to get this posted before I left. Don't hesitate to review—I'll read it as soon as I can!_


	6. Chapter 6

_Hey, it's August 13__th__—exactly sixteen years since Cartman got an anal probe on the very first __**South Park **__episode! I suggest listening to Bob Dylan's "Changing of the Guards" to mark the occasion. If you can tell me why Dylan and/or why that song, you'll get a shout-out on the next chapter _;-D

_And speaking of shout-outs, I want to give a big thank-you to _**INeedCoffeeArghhh **_for letting me use the name "Megan" for Clyde's sister _:-)

* * *

The day after Space Camp graduation, the Tucker and Stoley families each boarded their early morning flight back to South Park. Every once in a while, Craig or Kevin would steal a glance in the other's direction, but turned away quickly before the observed one noticed. When the plane touched down later that afternoon, both boys departed without acknowledging one another.

* * *

As soon as Craig got home, he invited Clyde and Token over to hang out (although it was mostly a ruse to acquire some extra hands for unpacking).

"I hope it's OK I brought Megan with me," said Clyde. "She wanted to play with Ruby."

"Whatever," Craig shrugged. "As long as they don't bother us."

"How was Star School, man?" Token asked.

"_Space Camp_," he corrected. "I'm not gonna lie: it was the most awesome thing ever," he answered emotionless.

"I can tell—the excitement's written all over your face," Token chuckled, to which Craig flipped him off.

"Come on!" Clyde shook with anticipation. "Where's my present?"

"Right," Craig fished it out. "I found this in the Space Camp gift shop." He showed him a plastic smiling taco with arms and legs.

Clyde's eyes filled with tears and he began bawling.

"What's wrong this time?"

"He just found out Taco Bell's gonna stop making kids' meals," Token told him.

"I don't think I'm ready for an adult-size chalupaaaa-haaa-haaa…" he wailed.

"Clyde, stop crying," said Craig. "Here, push this button."

Clyde pushed a small red button on the taco, making its backside open up and release a couple plastic scoops of ice cream. "Wow!" he smiled.

"I knew you'd like it," Craig smirked. "Not really sure what an ice cream-crapping taco has to do with outer place, though…"

"So you must've been pretty lonely not knowing anybody there," Token thought.

"Actually, I saw somebody from our class there. We did everything together at Space Camp the whole week. He even spent a little time with me outside the camp."

Upon hearing this, Clyde punched Craig in the arm.

He glared at his taco-loving bro. "What the hell was that for?"

"You big jerk!" he said with a look of hurt. "Your friends have been here missing you all this time while you're hanging out with some other kid!"

"Calm down, buddy," Token told him. "We did fun stuff ourselves while Craig was gone. He can have other friends too if he wants."

"We probably wouldn't hang out again, anyway," Craig reassured Clyde. "I don't really know what we'd do together now that we're halfway across the country from our one common interest."

* * *

That evening, Kevin sat in his room by himself playing with his star cruiser. He saw his sister walk by his door all dressed up. "Hey, Esther!" he called to her. "What are you doing?"

"Going to the mall."

"Do you feel like having a galactic battle instead? You can even be on the side of the Rebel Alliance."

"Sorry, Kevin, I don't have time to play _Star Trek _with you."

"It's _Star Wars_!" he shouted.

"Why don't you ask Craig if he wants to hang out? You guys seemed to hit it off on vacation."

"Yeah, at Space Camp, but the program's over now. What would we talk about?"

"I _know_ you guys talked about other stuff," she countered. "Ask him to teach you some more self-defense moves…you could probably use them."

Kevin sighed. "I don't even have his number."

"South Park isn't that big. You could easily get in touch with Craig if you really wanted to," Esther reminded him as she left for the front door.

…

The next morning after church let out, Kevin took a deep breath and quickly walked to catch up with the Tuckers. "Craig?" he tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hi," he looked slightly surprised.

"Hey," Kevin smiled nervously. "Um…" he rubbed the back of his neck. "I was just wondering if maybe you'd be interested in coming over to my house today and showing me a few more sumo moves…?"

"Uh…I actually sort of already have plans," Craig said apologetically.

"Oh…yeah, I understand," he looked down at his shoes. "It's not a big deal. I'll just find something else to do," he shrugged and headed back to his family.

"Hey, Stoley!" Craig called to him.

"Huh?" he turned around.

"I'm meeting Token and Clyde this afternoon to go bowling. We could use a fourth to play teams. I thought of inviting Tweek, but it's probably a bad idea to have a jittery kid tossing a heavy black ball around. Do you wanna come?"

"S-sure," he grinned.

"Cool. Meet me outside the bowling alley around two."

"OK. See you then."

Craig gave a barely noticeable nod before leaving.

…

At two o'clock sharp, Kevin arrived wearing a yellow polo shirt and carrying a pair of treadless sneakers.

"You have your own bowling shoes?" Craig asked.

"My mom went out and bought them for me. She said she doesn't want me sticking my feet into a 'sweaty, stinky fungus farm.'"

"My thoughts exactly," he agreed. "Listen, I told the guys I was bringing a bowling partner. When we get inside, don't be surprised if Clyde starts giving you the evil eye. He tends to get a little…possessive when it comes to his friends."

"Really? Gee, I thought Clyde was friendly to _everybody_."

Craig opened the door, and Kevin followed him in. He saw his friends waiting at the counter—Token in his usual, very literal "T" shirt; and Clyde in full sport mode with his letterman jacket. "We're here," Craig announced.

"Hey, it's Kevin!" Clyde lit up. "Hi, Kevin!"

"Hi, Clyde," he waved shyly. "Hi, Token."

"Hey," Token greeted him with confusion. "Is _he _the kid from school you hung out with at Space Camp?"

"Yup," Craig answered in his monotone voice.

"Oh!" said Clyde. "Why didn't you tell us it was Kevin? Kevin's cool."

Kevin couldn't help blushing a little as he changed into his bowling shoes.

"Remember that time when we were Somalian pirates?" Clyde asked him. "That turned out to be pretty lame, huh?"

Kevin looked up from doing his laces. "It wasn't all it was cracked up to be, that's for sure."

"Uh, Clyde?" asked Craig. "Do _you _wanna be Kevin's partner?"

"But me and Token were already partners."

"Go for it, dude," said Token. "I'd hate to stand in the way of your little bromance here."

"OK!" he beamed. "Come on, Kevin!" he wrapped his arm around the boy's neck. "We'll show these guys how it's done," he led him over to their lane with Craig and Token pulling up the rear.

"Hey, kid!" the owner yelled to Craig. "You have to put on bowling shoes!"

He quickly flicked his middle finger at the guy.

"Did you just flip me off?"

"No."

"I don't want those street shoes of yours scratchin' up my floor—"

Craig interrupted with another flick of the finger.

"You just flipped me off again!"

"No, I didn't."

"Here," he threw him a pair of ratty old bowling shoes. "Put those on or you can't play."

Craig calmly sat down and took off his shoes. As soon as he saw the owner look away, he put his own pair right back on, hiding the loaner set under his seat.

Everyone agreed to let Kevin go first since he was the guest member of the gang. "Yay, Kevin!" Clyde cheered him on as he went up to bowl.

He stuck his tongue out the side of his mouth a little in concentration. Then he calculated the trajectory of the ball, took a few steps forward, and let it roll down the lane.

The other three watched in amazement as he bowled a perfect strike. "Woohoo! Ke-vin, Ke-vin, Ke-vin…" Clyde chanted.

The entire game lasted about an hour. Both teams bowled well, but in the end, it was Kevin's exceptional math skills and Clyde's low center of gravity from his taco belly that put them over the top.

"We won!" shouted Clyde as he grabbed Kevin in a tight embrace, lifting him off the ground as he jumped up and down.

"Good game, guys," Token congratulated them.

"That was awesome. Kevin should _definitely _hang out with us more often."

"Thanks for inviting me," said Kevin. "I had a lot of fun. Well, I'd better get going now."

"Aw, stay awhile!" Clyde encouraged him. "Since we won, they have to buy us chili cheese fries!"

"I can't. I told my parents I'd head home right after the game."

Clyde pouted slightly. "Oh, well. More fries for me, I guess."

Kevin laughed. "Bye, guys," he headed out.

"Bye," said Craig and Token.

"Bye, Kevin!" Clyde waved enthusiastically. He saw his two best bros looking at him dubiously. "What?"

"Geez, Clyde, keep it in your pants," Craig ribbed him.

"Yeah, we're in a public place," Token snickered.

"Waaaah-haa-haa…" Clyde blubbered. "Why do you guys have to make fun of me all the time?"

* * *

_BTW, the thing about Taco Bell kids' meals—totally true _:/


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm sooo sorry this took way longer than usual. I've been spending a lot of my writing time working on a request fic that I really want to finish soon O_O**

**Here are the answers to the trivia questions I posed last chapter:**

**Q1: Why Bob Dylan?  
A1: The character with the guitar, top hat, and red-striped shirt singing the theme in the early season openings is a caricature of Dylan.**

**Q2: Why "Changing of the Guards"?  
A2: That was the song Dylan recorded in 1978 to commemorate his sixteen years in the music industry.**

* * *

Kevin reflected that night on his surprisingly pleasant experience bowling with Craig and his gang. They made him feel like he fit in somewhere—something he hadn't felt since Bradley left… something he used to feel with Bertha. He wished things had turned out differently with her. He cherished his friendship with Bradley, of course, and realized he only got the chance to know him after Bertha was out of the picture. Still, he wished he could find a way to reunite with her now. _Craig always faces issues head-on, _Kevin thought. _Maybe I can learn from him and do the same._

…

The next morning, he walked over to Bertha's house and quietly knocked.

Her mom answered the door. "Kevin?" she seemed pleasantly surprised.

"Hi, Mrs. Tucker," he waved.

"I haven't seen you in ages. How are you, sweetie?"

"I'm OK. Is Bertha home?"

"Well, she's still asleep right now. Would you like to come in and wait for her?"

"No, thank you. I'll just try calling her later."

"Oh, all right. It was good to see you, Kevin."

"You too, Mrs. Tucker. Take care," he walked back home feeling a little defeated.

…

In the afternoon, Kevin made up his mind to call Bertha's cell. He decided to call from the home phone in the living room, fearing she might not pick up if she saw his cell number. It rang a couple times, but Kevin's nerves got the better of him and he hung up. _Come on, Kev! _he told himself. _Don't be a coward! _He dialed again and let it ring several times.

"Hi, this is Red," her voicemail kicked in. "Leave a message and I'll get back to you."

Kevin hung up once more and sighed.

"Couldn't get a hold of her, huh?" Esther walked in.

"Are you spying on me or something?" he snapped.

"Kevin, we're twins. We have that whole telepathy thing going on. Why were you trying to get in touch with Red after all this time?"

"If you have to know, I miss her. It'd be nice to at least talk to her again."

"So why didn't you leave a message?"

"I don't know," he flopped onto the couch. "I guess I wasn't really sure what to say—it's been so long."

"Well, you've gotten pretty chummy with her cousin lately," she reminded him. "Maybe you can ask him to help break the ice a little."

"Craig isn't exactly a smooth talker. He can be a bit…blunt."

"Between your timidity and his brutal honesty, a happy medium's bound to arise," Esther figured.

"Maybe…" he considered.

* * *

Craig, meanwhile, had invited Tweek over for a nice, safe afternoon visit, only to drag him to the local dry cleaners.

"Why can't you wash them at home?" the jittery blond asked, nervously sipping from his coffee thermos.

"I'm not taking any chances with _these_," Craig responded. "I wanna get Thomas's clothes cleaned professionally."

"Why? Does he have some kind of disease?" Tweek panicked. "Oh God! What if he has vampire bats hiding in his pockets that fly out and bite people? Then those people will turn into vampires and start biting other people until the whole town is filled with the undead!"

Suddenly, the bell above the door rang as someone walked in.

"GAH!" Tweek dropped his thermos and hid behind Craig.

"Hi, Craig," said Kevin.

"Hey."

"I stopped by your house and your mom said I could find you here." He peeked around Craig's back. "Uh…hi, Tweek."

"I don't taste very good!" he trembled.

"OK…" Kevin said confused. "Hey, did you drop this?" he picked up the thermos.

"AH! Gimme!" Tweek snatched it from Kevin's hand. "I gotta get outta here!" he made a beeline for the exit.

"Tweek, relax," said Craig.

"No way, man—he could be one of them now! He already tried to take my coffee; soon he'll want my blood! BLOOD!" he ran home.

"What was that about?" Kevin wondered.

"He thinks the townsfolk might be turning into vampires," he said as if it were a normal notion (which, of course, it _was_ for Tweek).

"Will he be all right?"

"Yeah, I'll just remind him that vampires can't walk around during the day. Luckily, he hasn't been exposed to _Twilight_. So what's up?"

"How's Bertha doing?"

Once again, Craig had to stifle a laugh. "How should I know?"

"Well, she _is _your cousin."

"The Tuckers aren't what you'd call a close-knit family. I don't keep tabs on my relatives."

"Oh…" Kevin hung his head.

"Can't you ask her yourself?"

"I was just hoping that maybe you were close enough to her to help get us on speaking terms again. It's just as well, I guess… she probably wouldn't want to talk to me, anyway."

Craig closed his eyes and breathed deeply. What kind of Jedi mind trick did this kid have that made the apathetic boy want to be so helpful? "Look, I'll see what I can do. I'll swing by her house tonight and talk you up a little."

"Aw, you're the best, Craig!" Kevin rejoiced.

_Don't thank me yet, _he thought.

…

As dusk fell, Craig arrived at his cousin's house. His aunt let him in and directed him to Red's bedroom where she was having a slumber party. Without so much as knocking, he opened her door and said, "Hey, Big Bertha…"

"Craig!" she shouted. "I told you not to call me that! You want me to tell my dad?"

"Go ahead," he shrugged. "If Uncle Skeeter tries to lay a hand on me, I'll just call _my _dad over to sit on him."

He noticed the other girls whispering to each other, giggling madly as they ogled him.

"What do you want?" Red asked impatiently.

"I'd rather discuss it with you alone," he said looking over at her guests again.

"Hi, Craig," they waved flirtatiously.

He flipped them off collectively, at which they all swooned.

"Fine, let's go outside," she relented.

Craig followed Red out to the backyard. "Those are your friends up there?"

"Obviously."

"Funny…I remember when Kevin Stoley used to be your friend."

She scoffed. "What about it?"

"Maybe you should try being friends with him again."

"I don't think that's gonna happen, Craig."

"Why don't you have a conversation with _him_ before making that decision?"

"No," she shook her head. "I can't talk to him anymore."

"Why not? He isn't popular enough?" he sneered.

"Why do you suddenly care so much if I'm friends with Kevin?"

"I _don't _care. I just think it's pretty fucked up to stop hanging out with someone because you aren't on the same pecking order. Token, Clyde and I are all very different people with very different interests, but we've still stayed together 'cause that's what friends do. Maybe you'd understand that if you weren't such a stuck-up bitch." With that, Craig walked away from their discussion, leaving Red speechless.

* * *

**Disclaimer: I don't own the ****_Twilight _****series.**

**SPECIAL NOTE: A FanFic friend of mine who I've beta'd for asked me to speak out against the new incarnation of the SOPA bill. From what I've read, it would make it a ****_felony _****to illegally stream copyrighted material, instead of just a misdemeanor. This would affect anybody singing cover songs on YouTube trying to get their name out there, and, according to my friend, would also affect other fan uploads (like stuff on deviantART, for instance).  
There have been some great things to come out of the current U.S. Administration, but this is definitely not one of them. Stay alert, and share your voice in opposing this outrageous act!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **The new season starts now! X-D

I decided to go back and have Kevin and Esther just be twins, not specifically identical twins. I found out that having different-sex identical twins almost never happens, and when it has, they've been born with serious issues :(

* * *

Kevin woke up the next morning to the sound of somebody knocking on his bedroom door.

"Kevin," he heard his mom call. "Craig is here to see you."

"He is? Hold on, I'll get dressed," he got up and headed to the dresser in his pajamas.

"Don't bother," Craig opened the door and walked in.

"Craig!" Kevin was shocked. "You can't just barge in like that. What if I had slept naked?"

"Unless you have something I don't, it wouldn't be a big deal."

"So what brings you here?" asked Kevin.

"I talked to Red last night."

"Yeah?" he perked up. "How did it go?"

Craig shook his head. "She's not worth it, dude. You're better off without her."

Kevin's jaw dropped. "What happened?"

"She isn't willing to talk to you. Sorry, man."

"Maybe she has a good reason not to," he looked down mumbling.

"Ugh…would you stop making excuses for people to treat you like shit?" Craig rolled his eyes. "Self-defense isn't just physical. Maybe you still need more training."

"All I need is to crawl under my covers and cry," Kevin sulked.

"Too bad. I didn't come over here to crush your dream and just leave you hanging. I'm taking you to Token's house today. His parents left for a Caribbean cruise, so it'll be just us guys."

"Does _he _know that?" Kevin questioned. "You didn't ask him if you could bring some random 'guest' like last time, did you?"

"I told him it's you," Craig assured him. "He's cool with it. I think you won him over with your bowling skills."

"So…it's just the three of us, then?"

"Five of us," Craig clarified. "We're picking up Tweek on the way—don't worry, I got him out of his undead paranoia. And Clyde…well, I don't think _he'll _mind your presence," he chuckled to himself. "So hurry up and get changed."

"All right," he sighed. "Um…if you don't mind—"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm leaving."

…

When they arrived at the Black estate, Clyde screamed Kevin's name in excitement at seeing him, making Tweek jump. Token invited the three of them in and they all settled down to watch _Madea Goes to Jail_ in front of his private home theater system. Kevin couldn't enjoy himself, though.

"You aren't still upset about Red, are you?" asked Craig.

Kevin nodded solemnly.

"Forget about her, Kev," Clyde patted his shoulder. "Girls are weird, anyway," he tried to cheer him up.

"Yeah!" Tweek agreed. "Remember that creepy gadget they had that could tell the future? What if the government gave it to them so the CIA could learn everything about us before _we _even knew? GAH!"

"Tweek!" Craig grabbed his shoulders. "It's OK. We destroyed it, remember? Token, I don't think anybody's really interested in the movie anymore. Let's do something else."

"I can't," he laughed. "This is so hilarious! I know it's embarrassing, but I just can't help myself!"

A loud banging on the front door interrupted them, so Token paused the film to answer it. "Oh, hi, Mr. Tucker."

"Hello, Token. I need to speak to my son," he said seriously.

"Uh…sure. Follow me." Token led him to his bedroom where the other boys were waiting.

"Young man," Craig's dad got his attention.

"What?" Craig asked with his trademark poker face.

"Your uncle just called telling me your cousin was in tears last night."

"Bertha was crying?" Kevin asked.

"Apparently, my boy called her a 'stuck-up bitch' and left without another word," he stared at Craig sternly.

"What?" Kevin's eyes widened. "Craig, how could you?"

"Hey, I call them as I see them," he defended himself. "I tried to get her to talk to you, but she's too much of a snob to think about anyone but herself."

"I never wanted her feelings to get hurt," he whimpered.

"She doesn't seem to care much about _yours_," Craig muttered.

"Well, I'm taking you over to apologize," Mr. Tucker said.

"I'll do it later. We're busy."

"_Now_, mister!"

"Fine," he grumbled. "I guess we have to go," he told Kevin and Tweek.

"No!" Clyde shouted. "Token…" he looked at his friend pleadingly.

"Oh…" Token took the hint. "Uh…Tweek and Kevin don't have to leave, Craig."

"Thanks," Craig said. "At least _their _day doesn't have to be spoiled."

"Yay!" Clyde shouted and grabbed Kevin in a bro hug.

"I-it's OK, Craig," Tweek stood up. "I'll go with you. I don't m-mind."

"No, stay here," he declined. "I want you to have fun. I'll come back when I'm done."

Tweek let a disappointed squeak slip out before sitting back down and pouting a little.

* * *

Mr. Tucker knocked on his brother's front door.

"Hey, Thomas," he answered.

"Hi, Skeeter. I brought him with me."

Skeeter eyed his nephew angrily. "Red's in her room. Go apologize and then you can git out," he motioned with his thumb.

Craig headed to his cousin's bedroom, making sure to flip off his uncle while he wasn't looking. Her door was open, so he walked in and stood there stone-faced.

"Well?" Red asked after a long silence.

"Sorry your feelings got hurt."

"That's it?" she raised her brow.

"What do you want me to say?"

"How about 'sorry for calling you such a nasty name'?"

"I can't say that," Craig answered.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm _not _sorry. I meant what I said. Anybody who can leave their best friend to gain popularity deserves that name."

"You really think that's what it was about?" she asked incredulously.

"Look, I gave you an apology; now I'm done," he started to leave.

"Do you wanna know the _real_ reason we aren't friends anymore?" she hollered out.

Craig turned back and signaled for her to continue.

"I really liked Kevin—as more than a friend. To be perfectly honest, I was totally crazy about him. So finally one day, I worked up the courage to tell him. And you know what happened?"

Craig shook his head.

"He told me how much he cared about me and that I was his best friend in the whole world, but he didn't like me the way I liked him." Red began to tear up. "He turned me down; it was the worst feeling I ever had… I tried for a while to go on being friends like before. Eventually though, it just got too hard to hang around Kevin and not be with him the way I really wanted to. So that's when I started pulling away from him and hanging out with the other girls, until I left completely. That's why I can't talk to him—it's too painful for me."

Craig sighed. "I get that."

"You do?"

"Despite trying to convince people otherwise, I'm familiar with human emotions. Nobody likes getting their heart broken; it sucks. But you got some good stuff out of it, too. You have a ton of close friends now. But ever since that Biggle kid left, Kevin hasn't really had _anybody _to be close to. _He's _the one who needs _you _now. If he means anything to you, can't you at least try talking to him?"

Red considered her cousin's words of wisdom. "I guess I can give it a try," she nodded.

"Good. And I _am _sorry for what I said; you're not a stuck-up bitch."

"Thank you," she gave a small smile. "It's so strange hearing you stick up for Kevin like this. What went on between you two on that vacation, anyway?"

"What happens at Space Camp _stays _at Space Camp," he smirked.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the _Madea _franchise.


End file.
